I Was Thirsty And You…? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

“You gave me to drink?”  “No, that is not the correct answer.  Sit down, you dolt!”

“But, but, Sir, those were the very words of Jesus.”

“Big deal, Smarty Pants.  It don’t matter anymore what Jesus said.  Wake up, will you?”

It really doesn’t matter anymore, you know.  The Seven Deadliest are now simply a Guide to Good Living; the opposing virtues a laughable remnant of ancient practice, reserved for grim self doubters and sour-pusses.  We’ve grown way beyond  the Commandments, beyond even the suggestions, hints.

Obligations?  The only obligation, if the word still exists and has currency ( no pun ) outside of tax season, is to oneself and one’s comfort, peace and happiness.  And that means that Natural Law is now a most unnatural thing.  How can one presume to posit a Law which applies to all everywhere?  What about individual choice, matters of conscience, expedience, practicality, Mere Utility?  That’s what counts, now.  I was about to say “Thank God”.  WHEW!  So much for C.S. Lewis.

Natural law?  Golden Rule??  Do unto others??? Phooey!

All of this makes life very much easier, don’t you know.  It certainly makes the practice of medicine easier.  Follow the link above and consider the boys and girls who practice up in Canada.  You think they’re wasting time and money on folks who might be hungry or thirsty?   How would they know, anyway? No, they ain’t wasting anything, let alone time. Not on your life…oops.  Those guys just decided that food and water for sick people were indistinguishable from medicine, and that’s a good thing.  Because, according to good medical practice of long standing (outside of a Dickens novel) if the medicine don’t work, stop giving it.  Think of all the money saved on bed pans, little plastic bottles, colostomy bags, and the garden hose sized tubes used for catheters these days.  Think of all the labor saved by not having nurses and aids having to roll over the inert masses of protoplasm we insist on referring to as patients, when we know what they really are is seagull food.

And seagull food should be handled by garbage scows and trash collectors, not hospitals and doctors.

Doctors will be freed up to do the really important stuff, run zillion dollar machines and write ‘scrips for zillion dollar pharmaceuticals, stand around jawboning with the folks out at the nurse’s station, and get your name wrong when they talk to you.

(You know, I’m kind of glad that these doctors up in Canada suddenly discovered that food and water were medicines.  Maybe I can get a ‘scrip for a steak dinner twice or more a week and pass the cost on to my zillion dollar insurance company.  I’m not worried about water.  Like Mr. Fields of happy memory I believe it should only be used for washing, unless, of course, there’s no Jameson’s within reach)

But really, I do feel kind of sorry for the folks who will be starved to death, soon, up in Canada, or allowed to die of thirst.  It’s not a nice way to go.  Ask St. Maximilian Kolbe.  I understand it took him ten days.  But, what the heck, he was still pretty healthy over there in Auschwitz.  I mean it wasn’t like he was some Terry Schiavo who did nothing but lie around and roll her eyes for a bunch of years before we smartened up and starved her.  Did she utter one peep in all that time?  Nope.  Did all the food and water she was given help her one bit?  Nope.  Q.E.D.

I’ll give you odds that the Schiavo thing helped these doctors up in Canada figure out just what an important discovery they’d made when they discovered that food and water were medicines and not food and water like we always thought.  I only hope that the drug companies don’t try to patent the recipe for mashed potatoes, or aglio e olio, or chocolate cake…or water.

Anyway, all in all it’s a good thing.  Like I said, it frees up space, not that all of those saints and angels hovering around sick people took up a lot of space, anyway.  But, honestly, who thinks that stuff is for real anymore?  You think a doctor does?  Any self respecting doctor’s gonna say, “Show me one.”  Then he’ll follow that up with, “Stop all meds.  Dine with us tonight, Ralph?  Galatia’s got a great meal planned.”


About Peadar Ban

There isn't much to say. I am here. I am here. I am here.
This entry was posted in Mad Science, News, Truth and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to I Was Thirsty And You…? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

  1. Yan says:

    “Food and drink evoke deep emotional and psychological responses, and are associated with nurturing,” said Dr. Tsai. “But artificial nutrition and hydration is not about providing food and fluids through normal means of eating and drinking. It should be viewed the same as any other medical intervention, such as ventilatory support.”

    Isn’t there a big difference between letting a person that cannot breathe independently anymore die, and letting someone that cannot feed himself anymore die? Shouldn’t that difference matter in Canadian health care? Does calling ANH ‘medical intervention’ make any difference in this discussion? Why should the abnormality of the means of feeding someone withdraw from them the right to be treated humanely, or the right to live?

    • Peadar Ban says:

      All good questions, Trooper. I suppose the Canadians did not think so, though. It may be that their “good” questions all had to do with economics. Dunno where that fits in the practice of medicine, but seems as if it does more and more.

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